I have been married for 8 months now and I'm really happy with the way things are going. Understandably we have minor arguments but they seem to be becoming more frequent. We disagree on small issues but I don't feel that they're small at the time. My husband suggested we should go to therapy but I think that is just very drastic and not necessary. I wondered if you could tell me at what point it is normal for couples to go to therapy?
Hi! Although your question was posted two months ago, I take the liberty to answer, since I feel that your question is a very important one, and possibly on the minds of more couples. You write that you are really happy with the way things are going and that, understandably, you have minor arguments. First of all, I am so happy for you that you are happy with the way things are going! I also hear in your question a great deal of maturity and understanding that in a marriage, fighting occasionally occurs. When after a fight, you feel more detached from your spouse, and you are not able to reconnect or even grow in your relationship as a result of the fighting, it is advisable to seek professional help. Sometimes, the feelings that the fight arouses are so intense, that it is hard to communicate those to your spouse, in a respectful and safe tone. Listening to the feelings of your partner might be even harder. In marriage therapy you will get to learn how to communicate your feelings to your spouse in a way that he/she can hear them. You will also be able to listen to your spouse and better understand where his/her actions are coming from. When a couple can hear and hold the other spouses feelings, this creates a bond of understanding, closeness, safety and love. Sometimes you feel that things are going rather fine, but some points deserve more attention. In your question I hear a fear that therapy can do more damage than good. Maybe it is worth giving this fear some attention. Did you (or your spouse/friend/relative) ever had a negative experience with therapy? How did that affect you? Your question in any case could make a nice discussion for you and your husband. Try to hear why he would like to go to therapy. Maybe there are different reasons than the reasons that you imagined. I will be happy to work with you. All the best, Ta'ir Wasserman 054-6964191