I have been married for 8 months now and I'm really happy with the way things are going. Understandably we have minor arguments but they seem to be becoming more frequent. We disagree on small issues but I don't feel that they're small at the time. My husband suggested we should go to therapy but I think that is just very drastic and not necessary. I wondered if you could tell me at what point it is normal for couples to go to therapy?
big feelings behind small issues
Hi Tzippy, .In a marriage relationship there are 2 people with different emotions, different feelings and different ways of communicating If there is a disagreenment between the 2 sides then even if one side thinks it is an issue it makes no difference if the other side thinks it may be trivial. If you feel that therapy is a drastic step at this point you can try some things on your own which i am sending below but if you still feel you are not getting anywhere then therapy should not be a scary option- it is out there to help you have a rich, beautiful relationship with the person you are to spend the rest of your life with. The key is to open the lines of communcation. Talk about your feelings and encourage him to do the same... Many times, in an argument it is the emotion that takes over our body language,tone of voice, and choice of words. Don't get caught up in the emotion of the moment but give yourself time to understand the feeling that is behind the emotions. Once you understandt the feeling and where it is coming from you can better explain to your spouse and hear his side as well. There is also a fantastic book - the 5 love languages that explains different ways of communicating love to a spouse. What speaks love to one person will not necessarily speak love to someone else. You want to make sure that both your'love tanks are kept full and in order to do that will have to learn each others love language so that you are really communicating love to each other. i hope you find this helpful. B'Hatzlacha! Raizy